10th Jan 2010...
I am moving home …and it takes me back to some memories in the past …
Standing among all the things of the house on the back of a lorry and grinning with my brother and my dog Caesar …yelling my name over and over in the centre of the newly painted unfurnished room…drinking in the smell of the kerosene pungent paint smell…playing at the large plonks of dried paint on the kitchen slab…and being scolded my parents over nothing or something …among the whole chaos of sorting things ….
And then slowly like clouds …. the home gets our smell.. a mixture of mothers sambhar.. dads pooja rooms agarbathi ..my shampoos and books …Caesar’s wet fur after his bath …brothers stinking shoes or shirts :) ……and then finally I know its home ….
Today I am packed...Three suitcases a bag and me ….
…..Time and experiences are like the hammer and the chipper an artist uses to carve the image he wants from the raw stone……time and experiences in our life shape us up... and surprisingly the artist is no one else but we ourselves …we shape our image …….and at some stage we stop and look at our image ....like an artist gauging his work …and it is this introspection that makes us human….someone in touch with themselves …..
When death arrives …we are merely changing the raw stone on which a new image can be carved upon….
It’s a great realisation when this hits upon me …I suddenly realise the reasons for my failure…it was simply me ….not bad timing or bad luck …It was how I had shaped things…..
Today I am moving out ....and this was thought by me some months before…I needed a different place to carve myself …
Three suitcases and a bag packed and I feel empty inside …like I have settled accounts…like everything has been done …completed and yet there’s nothing I have done ….
I had unpacked my things here 2 years back …and in many ways life unpacked something different at very different points of time …the things that came out at every point ….were somehow right…..now they never seem wrong in any sense…
Its right ….somehow it fits … somehow my never ending jigsaw puzzle is almost complete with everything however wrong in place ……
I am as clueless as I was 2 years about this place..people,things,mindsets etc....
I have collected some things, memories which come back when I pack stuff...Some good and bad reminders of past. Past... a time that can never come back...Present that’s becoming past every passing minute and future that constantly races with the present......
and yet I end up with three suitcases a bag and me ....:)
First of all, I loved the name. :)
ReplyDelete"Three suitcases and a bag packed and I feel empty inside …like I have settled accounts…" was the best line. Tells the reader a lot of things beyond whats written. I loved it.
But again when you say "I have collected some things, memories which come back when I pack stuff...Some good and bad reminders of past", i can see that you did not really mean whatever the reader would like to wander about. You knew what you carried, and then how was it empty in the first place. Weightlessness would sound absurd as it would question the very value of the Past and the Present.
The concluding line "and yet I end up with three suitcases a bag and me" could have been better with out "and me". You dont end up with yourself when you have something else to define like 3 suitcases and a Bag. Do you?
"When death arrives …we are merely changing the raw stone on which a new image can be carved upon…" - Having understood from your earlier sentence, we are the artiste working on a stone called Life. When death comes, it takes away the artiste to let him join the energy band wagon around. The stone joins the soil and ready to be mold again. When the Ultimate energy decides the birth of another artiste, it makes a Life form from the energy around. And then the Ultimate power takes some clay, made from the very same Old soil. Over the ages, the clay hardens with age and contamination. It becomes a rock. The artiste starts carving again - Like searching out the real HIM.