Lost in this world of white faces,
Painted with no expression like Geishas..
My soul my eyes yearn..
Its as though a bird from my soul
Wants to fly back to my place ..
Among faces I know, to emotions I can see
Oh what I would not give for some fragrance
Some noise around me instead of this silence…
Instead of thick sweaters,mufflers ,faces lost in books
Bodies half sunken in clothes or their prejudices
Of being Asian ,British or Jamaican …
I want to go back
Not to a particular country or place
But to that moment of time
When all this didn’t really matter ..
Where all it counted was to be happy
To a time when mistakes were forgiven,
Egos not developed, as Time the teacher
Lay lazily spread out in my path…
When I was like a mould of clay
And every presence left a mark on me …..
Oh I am so lost ..or am I really??
Have I lost the path or have I lost me ??
Thursday, 10 December 2009
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
...past moments...
I had a good day today - everything went on as I had planned hence after coming back home having tea while reading a novel I felt something which I think must be recorded somewhere!!
The novel which I am reading now recollects the protagonist's childhood. A Pakistani woman rethinking about her childhood and her friends ,her thinking etc. I wondered do I really remember anything from my childhood.I dont mean the moments we recollect when we look at our childhood pics - this is like travelling in a bus and you suddenly smile when you think of something you did in your childhood, when you are talking to a close friend and you suddenly recollect a faint memory from some hidden times....
Well I am not raking my mind to get some memories but there are some which come to me when I think Childhood...
I remember this scene where in I am 2 yrs old- white frock- getting down on those grey narrow stairs back home one at a time. One hand holding the rail and the other hand holding a golden brass plate with turmeric and kumkum . I see my dad clad in a white shirt beside his brand new Bajaj Priya Scooter with a garland of yellow flowers and there was an aroma of Agarbatti and then I fell down ....hehe yeah like you see some videos wherein the camera falls down and all becomes honkrey donkrey and thats where my memory stops ....
Another time I fell down again was When I was may be in my 6th class a typical sunday - got up early in the morning - mom asked me to fetch clothes from the terrace- still in sleepy mood I walked took the clothes and while coming down I fell Straight and my back got bruised as I had slid along the wall - it hurt like hell- in Chetan Bhagat's five point someone - the line - Gravity had done its job to signify Alok's suicide- somehow I recollected my own falling down that morning ...
the next would be the day I was playing in the mud with my friends where our new house was being built and I cut my leg accidentally with a glass pane- Scared that my mom may beat me more for being careless I managed not to limp and also to keep the lights off while watching the Friday movie with my family - dad got up to take water and he switched on the light and saw my wound- my mom saw it and she beat me :( - my dad asked me why did I not tell them I said moaning about that mom hits me thats why ...and my mom feeling bad for this said ' I hit you because I feel so angry that I cant do anything about your wound and you cry so much beta that it pains me' - I know it was wierd way of saying she was hurt but I tease here even now saying this
OH this one kind of remains special - I had a childhood fren named Vani - she gave me some money and asked me to buy those coloured soamp (I dont know its english)- I went to Srinu uncles shop and bought it- My mom watched it from her kitchen window and the moment I came home I was again beaten like a carpet hehe ..my mom next was taking a broom when I went to my Grandma sleeping in the bedroom who saved me!
My mom thought I had stolen money from the house to buy something - I explained again while crying everything and peace restored- of course the beatings still were valid !! my mom insisted- were to teach me something in Life - that you shouldnt take money from home - you need to ask first- as though I would ever forget it!!
Next would be something cute actually- My brother was and is very found of cars - my parents bought him a Green plastic car as his bday present maybe when he was 9 yrs or something - So the next day when our parents had gone out and he took out his brand new car from the packet and started driving it - Vroom vroom- I sitting opposite to him giggling -He ran the car over my hands and then my head - and there the wheels stuck in my hair - My bro little apprehensive about me with a stuck green car in my head and my parents returning soon - He thought of one solution- he cut my hair wherever the wheels were stuck- and told me priya dont tell this to anyone ok- good girl I was I said ok- smiled and carried on- my parents came and my mom with horror looked at me and said what happened- I looked at my bro said nothing- but dad found the cut hairs near the sink- as we didnt know where to throw it and I dont remember after this but we we didnt get any punishment- I think they laughed- my mom still laughs abt it ...
Another cute one is on my bday - My brother who always teased me- sometimes I wished in My childhood if he would not be so good in my parents eye's etc etc - in the most filmy way I have ever known in my family- closed my eyes with his hands when I woke up and took me to the dining hall cum Kitchen and opened my eyes - singing happy bday to me - and before me was the loveliest Kitchen Set I Ever saw - all little fridge- cooker, plates,glasses...I think infact so far that has been the Best Bday and the bday gift ever -- there was never a repeat performance again....
and then some vague ones like the one wherein I thought once we smash a TV screen a silver liquid would flow in our home and cover everything up and all people in the serial live in the TV and get up in the morning just like us etc ...the day I sat on a metal chair while watching this famous Detective serial-( I dont rem the name but the lead actor was called D'souza and he had an assistant and he also acted in the movie Kora Kaagaz as Jaya Bachan's husband) and the same day they showcased this episode where in a metal chair in a house moves on its own - I was so scared ...
The day Dad met with an accident and a person near our school was showing his ID card asking everyone if we know him- and I being a young girl- telling my brother - 'look look dads photo - this man has it' !! - I can never forgive myself for not thanking the stranger who had helped my dad and bought an ambulance etc.May God keep him happy wherever he is...
The long walks from school to home via the colony, the village,the graveyard, the bridgeroad surrounded by a lake with a small kali mata temple and sometimes rock blasting road...the dance classes, the long chats in the colony playground on the last day of exam...the songs during Republic and Independence day played in School-' Aye mere Vatan ke logon'- the crisp white uniforms and shampood hair for the event.
The way I was left at our ancestral house when I was around 7 yrs and I used to moan and say 'Everyone go I am left with this old woman'( my great grand mother)- The first time I had wax done on my hands and my mom remarked at night when I cuddled with her - 'your skin feels like Egg Shell' :) ( I was 19 I think then ) ....
Putting all this in Writing may take the essence of memories not attached with photos or anything .. but I would remember When all my hair turns white- I have dementia :) and my kids or grandkids would giggle at this ....I hope I really do ...
- Priya
The novel which I am reading now recollects the protagonist's childhood. A Pakistani woman rethinking about her childhood and her friends ,her thinking etc. I wondered do I really remember anything from my childhood.I dont mean the moments we recollect when we look at our childhood pics - this is like travelling in a bus and you suddenly smile when you think of something you did in your childhood, when you are talking to a close friend and you suddenly recollect a faint memory from some hidden times....
Well I am not raking my mind to get some memories but there are some which come to me when I think Childhood...
I remember this scene where in I am 2 yrs old- white frock- getting down on those grey narrow stairs back home one at a time. One hand holding the rail and the other hand holding a golden brass plate with turmeric and kumkum . I see my dad clad in a white shirt beside his brand new Bajaj Priya Scooter with a garland of yellow flowers and there was an aroma of Agarbatti and then I fell down ....hehe yeah like you see some videos wherein the camera falls down and all becomes honkrey donkrey and thats where my memory stops ....
Another time I fell down again was When I was may be in my 6th class a typical sunday - got up early in the morning - mom asked me to fetch clothes from the terrace- still in sleepy mood I walked took the clothes and while coming down I fell Straight and my back got bruised as I had slid along the wall - it hurt like hell- in Chetan Bhagat's five point someone - the line - Gravity had done its job to signify Alok's suicide- somehow I recollected my own falling down that morning ...
the next would be the day I was playing in the mud with my friends where our new house was being built and I cut my leg accidentally with a glass pane- Scared that my mom may beat me more for being careless I managed not to limp and also to keep the lights off while watching the Friday movie with my family - dad got up to take water and he switched on the light and saw my wound- my mom saw it and she beat me :( - my dad asked me why did I not tell them I said moaning about that mom hits me thats why ...and my mom feeling bad for this said ' I hit you because I feel so angry that I cant do anything about your wound and you cry so much beta that it pains me' - I know it was wierd way of saying she was hurt but I tease here even now saying this
OH this one kind of remains special - I had a childhood fren named Vani - she gave me some money and asked me to buy those coloured soamp (I dont know its english)- I went to Srinu uncles shop and bought it- My mom watched it from her kitchen window and the moment I came home I was again beaten like a carpet hehe ..my mom next was taking a broom when I went to my Grandma sleeping in the bedroom who saved me!
My mom thought I had stolen money from the house to buy something - I explained again while crying everything and peace restored- of course the beatings still were valid !! my mom insisted- were to teach me something in Life - that you shouldnt take money from home - you need to ask first- as though I would ever forget it!!
Next would be something cute actually- My brother was and is very found of cars - my parents bought him a Green plastic car as his bday present maybe when he was 9 yrs or something - So the next day when our parents had gone out and he took out his brand new car from the packet and started driving it - Vroom vroom- I sitting opposite to him giggling -He ran the car over my hands and then my head - and there the wheels stuck in my hair - My bro little apprehensive about me with a stuck green car in my head and my parents returning soon - He thought of one solution- he cut my hair wherever the wheels were stuck- and told me priya dont tell this to anyone ok- good girl I was I said ok- smiled and carried on- my parents came and my mom with horror looked at me and said what happened- I looked at my bro said nothing- but dad found the cut hairs near the sink- as we didnt know where to throw it and I dont remember after this but we we didnt get any punishment- I think they laughed- my mom still laughs abt it ...
Another cute one is on my bday - My brother who always teased me- sometimes I wished in My childhood if he would not be so good in my parents eye's etc etc - in the most filmy way I have ever known in my family- closed my eyes with his hands when I woke up and took me to the dining hall cum Kitchen and opened my eyes - singing happy bday to me - and before me was the loveliest Kitchen Set I Ever saw - all little fridge- cooker, plates,glasses...I think infact so far that has been the Best Bday and the bday gift ever -- there was never a repeat performance again....
and then some vague ones like the one wherein I thought once we smash a TV screen a silver liquid would flow in our home and cover everything up and all people in the serial live in the TV and get up in the morning just like us etc ...the day I sat on a metal chair while watching this famous Detective serial-( I dont rem the name but the lead actor was called D'souza and he had an assistant and he also acted in the movie Kora Kaagaz as Jaya Bachan's husband) and the same day they showcased this episode where in a metal chair in a house moves on its own - I was so scared ...
The day Dad met with an accident and a person near our school was showing his ID card asking everyone if we know him- and I being a young girl- telling my brother - 'look look dads photo - this man has it' !! - I can never forgive myself for not thanking the stranger who had helped my dad and bought an ambulance etc.May God keep him happy wherever he is...
The long walks from school to home via the colony, the village,the graveyard, the bridgeroad surrounded by a lake with a small kali mata temple and sometimes rock blasting road...the dance classes, the long chats in the colony playground on the last day of exam...the songs during Republic and Independence day played in School-' Aye mere Vatan ke logon'- the crisp white uniforms and shampood hair for the event.
The way I was left at our ancestral house when I was around 7 yrs and I used to moan and say 'Everyone go I am left with this old woman'( my great grand mother)- The first time I had wax done on my hands and my mom remarked at night when I cuddled with her - 'your skin feels like Egg Shell' :) ( I was 19 I think then ) ....
Putting all this in Writing may take the essence of memories not attached with photos or anything .. but I would remember When all my hair turns white- I have dementia :) and my kids or grandkids would giggle at this ....I hope I really do ...
- Priya
Sunday, 15 November 2009
....a future to look at...
This post is simply to let my thoughts wander :)
Today while returning I went to this Store to buy stuff for myself. I saw an old lady talking in a loud voice with a young scottish gal asking her something that clearly wasnt making any sense. The scottish gal looking at me left the place which meant she is 'all yours now'..I smiled at the old lady confused and asked 'what is it' ? The old lady - an old Punjabi lady around 70-75 yrs of age spoke a strong dialect of Punjabi indicating the bread packet to me.I thought she must be asking the price when I said its around £1 -she said 'no no not the price' and she indicated the expiry date -it dawned on me finally and said the expiry date is after 5 days.The lady was happy with this and then said Thank you and I helped her with some more stuff that she was buying.I was holding only 2 things in my hand whereas she had this huge load of stuff to carry about.
I was going to this other till to get my stuff billed..the old lady cleared her place near the bill and called me 'Hello, here here '- I said ok and stood behind her ..the shop assistant mentioned it was £5 to the lady and looked at me..I informed this to the lady and she handed him the money required.
Not a big situation in life really, An old woman going around with chores in this cold country. what stuck to me was how can anyone send this lady who finds it so difficult to manage the language and things around here.What if something happened to her on the way?? This point in her life isnt she allowed to keep her legs above on the table and order around her sons, daughter in laws etc..Atleast thats the life I dream about at somepoint of time.
Back home atleast for keeping up their so called 'social images' they dont ask old parents to go out and get stuff,but I dont think this situation is new anywhere. When do we become so selfish? when do we fail to see our parents health failing, their language slurring as they no longer have teeth? It scares me somewhere that I may become someone like this- someone without any sensitivity- someone too practical in approach-and make statements like 'oh yeah I have kids...so someone else has to go to the market' ....I really pray and hope fervently for things to be different for some parents atleast.
This blog will be a simple reminder for myself I hope.
- Priya
Today while returning I went to this Store to buy stuff for myself. I saw an old lady talking in a loud voice with a young scottish gal asking her something that clearly wasnt making any sense. The scottish gal looking at me left the place which meant she is 'all yours now'..I smiled at the old lady confused and asked 'what is it' ? The old lady - an old Punjabi lady around 70-75 yrs of age spoke a strong dialect of Punjabi indicating the bread packet to me.I thought she must be asking the price when I said its around £1 -she said 'no no not the price' and she indicated the expiry date -it dawned on me finally and said the expiry date is after 5 days.The lady was happy with this and then said Thank you and I helped her with some more stuff that she was buying.I was holding only 2 things in my hand whereas she had this huge load of stuff to carry about.
I was going to this other till to get my stuff billed..the old lady cleared her place near the bill and called me 'Hello, here here '- I said ok and stood behind her ..the shop assistant mentioned it was £5 to the lady and looked at me..I informed this to the lady and she handed him the money required.
Not a big situation in life really, An old woman going around with chores in this cold country. what stuck to me was how can anyone send this lady who finds it so difficult to manage the language and things around here.What if something happened to her on the way?? This point in her life isnt she allowed to keep her legs above on the table and order around her sons, daughter in laws etc..Atleast thats the life I dream about at somepoint of time.
Back home atleast for keeping up their so called 'social images' they dont ask old parents to go out and get stuff,but I dont think this situation is new anywhere. When do we become so selfish? when do we fail to see our parents health failing, their language slurring as they no longer have teeth? It scares me somewhere that I may become someone like this- someone without any sensitivity- someone too practical in approach-and make statements like 'oh yeah I have kids...so someone else has to go to the market' ....I really pray and hope fervently for things to be different for some parents atleast.
This blog will be a simple reminder for myself I hope.
- Priya
Saturday, 26 September 2009
A tribute ...
The other day I happened to watch the movie Pakeezah of Meena Kumari .. Her song Chalte Chalte had always mesmerised me... So on a particular Saturday on a day all by myself I watched the movie ….
The movie and the story of Pakeezah is simply put a love story and the journey of a prostitute from a being wanted by everyone as the glamorous dancer and singer to a woman yearning for the love of a single man she never knew ….I recollected the novel ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’ ….
Now if you ask me the resemblance of both...first I am in a very bad start I have in my mind compared the Novel Memoirs of a Geisha and the Movie Pakeezah on screen, so it may be a little unfair but nevertheless this is what I felt ….
Both woman Pakeezah in Pakeezah and Sayuri- San in Memoirs of a Geisha have in a way travelled the same journey of emotions while seeking their true love, but in many respects they had different destinations, What I have written is simply the differences and the similarities of two different woman – one real and another fictitious – one read and one seen by me …
Starting with the similarities..Pakeezah and Sayuri San were not their real names...Pakeezah was known as Shabnam Jaan and Sayuri San was known as Chiyo- Chan.. Though both were named at different ages and for different reasons …Pakeezah meaning purity was named by her lover while asking for her hand the first time whereas Sayuri San was the geisha name given by her Teacher Mameha - San after consulting various charts and significance.
Both woman were an art form...I would never brand both in the common platform of Prostitution. It would be an insult to glorify only their beauty and not their talent…..Pakeezah in the song ‘Thade rahiyo’ her every movement is an art , is the mastery of how to tame wild imaginations, the way she picks up the silk scarf to dry herself holding it only near her neck , the way she sits to display the whole work of her dress making her more beautiful when she gets up, the way she tries to stop a man who has got up in between her song , every step taken is like prayer offered to art.
Sayuri- San similarly has an elaborate explanation as to how to tie the orb and to match their kimono with their underlying sash so that they match, the reason why the wear okobo – so that it looks like they are gliding on wind below their kimono- their dances and their training in various instruments from shamisen to drums – every instrument or an art form was tuned to make them desirable and present this in a wonderful way before men.
The dressing that both women carried throughout was never showing flesh. Pakeezah never showed herself without her dupatta over her shoulders and Sayuri did not show her body through the kimono. Both their dresses – one in a Salwar Kameez and a Kimono was always decent – but still there is never a moment we feel they are not beautiful – infact it never matters. Pakeezah wore ornate ornaments from her head covering her neck and her hands, Sayuri had less choice in ornaments as her kimono itself were worth anything ornate but did decorate her hair.
Dance again is a common thing between both women, Pakeezah’s eyes while dancing on ‘Chalte Chalte’and her graceful movements would have and has captured many hearts by now- Sayuri had to learn dance and she was wonderful once she mastered it by thinking about her beloved as inspiration.
Finally both their professions become their main obstacle in being with their lovers. Pakeezah for the fear of reputation and Sayuri for selecting her ‘Dannah’ to secure her future or to choose her love, but again it was their professions that made them meet in the first place.
Now to the dissimilarity between two women – On a personal note I believe Sayuri was the strong minded than Pakeezah. Sayuri had seen the world transforming in front her... from her house in Yorido to her innocent trust broken by Mr Tanaka in selling her off. Her hardwork, Hatsumomo’s taunts to her in every aspect of her life even ultimately in becoming a well known geisha. Sayuri had learnt the art of becoming a Geisha from being a fishermans daughter.
Pakeezah on the other hand was born to a known prostitute and was bought up in the lap of dance and music and pleasing men in the form of art. She knew what her care takers expected of her, she knew what her plus points were, and she knew this was her only aspect of life until she met her beloved. Sayuri on the other hand chose to become a geisha once she understood the importance of her love; she knew the only path to reach the Chairman was this. Pakeezah met her love when she was a prostitute and Sayuri became one when she met him.
Both women had something of their beloved that they always kept with them – Pakeezah kept the note left by her Salim on hair jewellery always near her and Sayuri kept her Chairman’s handkerchief in her orb. But Sayuri never disclosed this to anyone not even to her best friend and teacher Mameha-san , whereas Pakeezah discloses it to Bibban- This one simple event did plant a seed of doubt in Pakeezah’s mind as her friend very painfully reminds that she is a prostitute who has to land her feet on the ground and dance before everyone and not keep it beautiful as her lover had asked her to. Both women for reasons only known to them with this event had actually decided the course of their life and decisions. Sayuri had the handkerchief as a hope and inspiration with her, whearas for Pakeezah the note was a reminder both of her beloved and her friend’s suspicion.
Sayuri-San does mention at some point that her life was like river which would ultimately meet its destination and according to her it was The Chairman- and she believes in it so well – In Pakeezah’s life this is what literally happens it’s a broken boat on a river that she meets her beloved for the first time. This is mere coincidence or may be the extent of my imagination.
Pakeezah taunted by the unhappiness she may give to Salim refuses to marry him in the first instance but Sayuri-San does try in all ways to get her Chairman – Nothing or noone diminished her ambition. The reason why I think Sayuri – San hence is more strong minded. Pakeezah was an innocent bystander who was caught in a whirlpool which led to confusion and then her love but for Sayuri the chairman was the clear air after the confusion and whirlpool in her life.
If I go on I may write pages and pages of both women but this is where I will have to stop. Both women with all their heart desired someone- travelled the path of love with pain- and ended with their beloved after winning their own battles. In my mind I imagine… on a serene boat if Pakeezah and Sayuri San meet they don’t have to exchange any words as they both know what love is and what all it takes to get it in life. Both women know that inside the ornate jewellery, dresses and smiles they are and were simply two women who followed their heart and destiny helped them in the process.
This blog is simply a tribute for the writers Arthur Golden for ‘Memoirs of A Geisha’and to Kamal Amrohi for ‘Pakeezah’.
The movie and the story of Pakeezah is simply put a love story and the journey of a prostitute from a being wanted by everyone as the glamorous dancer and singer to a woman yearning for the love of a single man she never knew ….I recollected the novel ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’ ….
Now if you ask me the resemblance of both...first I am in a very bad start I have in my mind compared the Novel Memoirs of a Geisha and the Movie Pakeezah on screen, so it may be a little unfair but nevertheless this is what I felt ….
Both woman Pakeezah in Pakeezah and Sayuri- San in Memoirs of a Geisha have in a way travelled the same journey of emotions while seeking their true love, but in many respects they had different destinations, What I have written is simply the differences and the similarities of two different woman – one real and another fictitious – one read and one seen by me …
Starting with the similarities..Pakeezah and Sayuri San were not their real names...Pakeezah was known as Shabnam Jaan and Sayuri San was known as Chiyo- Chan.. Though both were named at different ages and for different reasons …Pakeezah meaning purity was named by her lover while asking for her hand the first time whereas Sayuri San was the geisha name given by her Teacher Mameha - San after consulting various charts and significance.
Both woman were an art form...I would never brand both in the common platform of Prostitution. It would be an insult to glorify only their beauty and not their talent…..Pakeezah in the song ‘Thade rahiyo’ her every movement is an art , is the mastery of how to tame wild imaginations, the way she picks up the silk scarf to dry herself holding it only near her neck , the way she sits to display the whole work of her dress making her more beautiful when she gets up, the way she tries to stop a man who has got up in between her song , every step taken is like prayer offered to art.
Sayuri- San similarly has an elaborate explanation as to how to tie the orb and to match their kimono with their underlying sash so that they match, the reason why the wear okobo – so that it looks like they are gliding on wind below their kimono- their dances and their training in various instruments from shamisen to drums – every instrument or an art form was tuned to make them desirable and present this in a wonderful way before men.
The dressing that both women carried throughout was never showing flesh. Pakeezah never showed herself without her dupatta over her shoulders and Sayuri did not show her body through the kimono. Both their dresses – one in a Salwar Kameez and a Kimono was always decent – but still there is never a moment we feel they are not beautiful – infact it never matters. Pakeezah wore ornate ornaments from her head covering her neck and her hands, Sayuri had less choice in ornaments as her kimono itself were worth anything ornate but did decorate her hair.
Dance again is a common thing between both women, Pakeezah’s eyes while dancing on ‘Chalte Chalte’and her graceful movements would have and has captured many hearts by now- Sayuri had to learn dance and she was wonderful once she mastered it by thinking about her beloved as inspiration.
Finally both their professions become their main obstacle in being with their lovers. Pakeezah for the fear of reputation and Sayuri for selecting her ‘Dannah’ to secure her future or to choose her love, but again it was their professions that made them meet in the first place.
Now to the dissimilarity between two women – On a personal note I believe Sayuri was the strong minded than Pakeezah. Sayuri had seen the world transforming in front her... from her house in Yorido to her innocent trust broken by Mr Tanaka in selling her off. Her hardwork, Hatsumomo’s taunts to her in every aspect of her life even ultimately in becoming a well known geisha. Sayuri had learnt the art of becoming a Geisha from being a fishermans daughter.
Pakeezah on the other hand was born to a known prostitute and was bought up in the lap of dance and music and pleasing men in the form of art. She knew what her care takers expected of her, she knew what her plus points were, and she knew this was her only aspect of life until she met her beloved. Sayuri on the other hand chose to become a geisha once she understood the importance of her love; she knew the only path to reach the Chairman was this. Pakeezah met her love when she was a prostitute and Sayuri became one when she met him.
Both women had something of their beloved that they always kept with them – Pakeezah kept the note left by her Salim on hair jewellery always near her and Sayuri kept her Chairman’s handkerchief in her orb. But Sayuri never disclosed this to anyone not even to her best friend and teacher Mameha-san , whereas Pakeezah discloses it to Bibban- This one simple event did plant a seed of doubt in Pakeezah’s mind as her friend very painfully reminds that she is a prostitute who has to land her feet on the ground and dance before everyone and not keep it beautiful as her lover had asked her to. Both women for reasons only known to them with this event had actually decided the course of their life and decisions. Sayuri had the handkerchief as a hope and inspiration with her, whearas for Pakeezah the note was a reminder both of her beloved and her friend’s suspicion.
Sayuri-San does mention at some point that her life was like river which would ultimately meet its destination and according to her it was The Chairman- and she believes in it so well – In Pakeezah’s life this is what literally happens it’s a broken boat on a river that she meets her beloved for the first time. This is mere coincidence or may be the extent of my imagination.
Pakeezah taunted by the unhappiness she may give to Salim refuses to marry him in the first instance but Sayuri-San does try in all ways to get her Chairman – Nothing or noone diminished her ambition. The reason why I think Sayuri – San hence is more strong minded. Pakeezah was an innocent bystander who was caught in a whirlpool which led to confusion and then her love but for Sayuri the chairman was the clear air after the confusion and whirlpool in her life.
If I go on I may write pages and pages of both women but this is where I will have to stop. Both women with all their heart desired someone- travelled the path of love with pain- and ended with their beloved after winning their own battles. In my mind I imagine… on a serene boat if Pakeezah and Sayuri San meet they don’t have to exchange any words as they both know what love is and what all it takes to get it in life. Both women know that inside the ornate jewellery, dresses and smiles they are and were simply two women who followed their heart and destiny helped them in the process.
This blog is simply a tribute for the writers Arthur Golden for ‘Memoirs of A Geisha’and to Kamal Amrohi for ‘Pakeezah’.
Sunday, 13 September 2009
Faith ..
Present
PHOENIX VARGHESE IS A REAL HERO - read the headline on the third page of The Herald. Martin smiles looking at the headline recollecting the evening interview he had yesterday on the TV show. His PR were really working good and it reflected on the results - Life is Perfect ...He folds back the newspaper and closes his eyes to reflect upon the evening....the newspaper article is wonderful he thinks and recollects the whole article once again ...
Wednesday 22nd March 2020, special report by PTA:
It was a rare moment in THE KATIE SHOW when the man himself had come to talk about his journey from ashes to life. We give you an intercept of the interview which was before a live audience of 25,000 people who will never forget the last evening.
The way Katie Sharp announced about the evening speaks volumes about him. 'Right now we have the man himself Mr Martin Varghese also called 'Phoenix Varghese' - the one risen from ashes...I am sure there is no one today who doesnt know about him so I wouldnt munch many words about him and get him do the talking ....
Katie : Welcome to the show Mr Varghese - thank you for being with us tonight...So the much awaited question how do u feel on this third year anniversary of your success as the Phoenix....
Martin : Thanks ..Its my pleasure Katie ( smile ) Oh I love this success - its good to be on the top ( laughs)
Katie : I know now this question has been asked many times to you before but We really will be pleased if you tell us what makes you you ...as The Phoenix Varghese ...
M: I hope your audience doesnt sleep on it ( laughs) Well 3 yrs from today I was the same person to be honest - , I was arrogant (smug smile ) talented and thought nothing could actually put me down- But you Know Katie what is the difference - its my attitude and the way I see things today -and that my dear is so so crucial - I know many people listen this from many management gurus - well I am the living example of it ...
K : yes you are Mr Varghese -Now tell me about the famous 23rd March night we always hear about the day you thought you had risen from ashes ....
M: oh you media people know how to nickname others isnt it ?? ah yes the 23rd of March the day after I was fired from my previous job - A job I thought I was good at - I was one of the top executives and I was told to leave because of some management changes (points his fingers as quotation marks) - and the day I met my Inspiration for life whom I cant thank enough....I am greatly indebted to him.....
K : please go on -Listening to your story from yourself is a treat that I am sure none of us will miss !
M : well I was fired as you know from my job and was really upset as it had a very bad effect on me - I had been in this job for 20 odd years - I had a family to think about - I couldnt handle it - I turned to god - confessed all my sins and thought things will sort out well or so I thought - but nothing worked - I wasnt young enough to be employed somwhere else and my resignation left a cloud of doubts in peoples mind - I turned to drinking ..and I drank heavily - my dear wife left me as she couldnt see me failing this way .....Life was terrible Katie -Now I really think about it I thank my stars for the night in the bar .....I call it the holy grail of lost souls ( laughs )
K:( smiles broadly ) Now Mr Varghese since you have actually mentioned GOD can I ask you something ? In times of despair man does turn to god but is it correct u felt shunned and lost all faith during this time and you actually think that your role model a mere human being is better than God himself ? You mentioned in one of your interviews recently that you would actually prefer to go to the pub and have a drink than sit in the church and follow confession -Now Is that a good model for your children or for that matter anyone else ?
M: Thanks for asking me that question Katie- there have been lots of assumptions about my answer. well ... ok let me ask you something Katie - when you feel upset, angry or sad what would you prefer among the following - telling all your sorrows to your friend, partner or anyone you know or would you prefer a person behind the counter in your bank ??
K: well obviously someone whom I know .....but how does that answer my question ?
M: exactly thats what I meant as well- The Pastor of the church I go to ....no offence but he is a very nice person though I havent seen him since quite some time ....He knows my family - my mom - my dad before he died - he knows some of my most personal things but when I go to him I dont feel connected to him or god - he is behind the wooden block between us and for me that doesnt leave me with much relief - What we need is practical solutions to work things out - prayers and confessions cannot make my life better - otherwise you would never have acknowledged me - I wouldnt have earned the name Phoenix for my prayers - my work defines my name today ....
K: wonderful thoughts Mr Varghese - I see what you are pointing to ...but dont you think comparing a church to a pub is in more than one way wrong ...
M: I wouldnt compare it even today ! All I am saying is I prefer a Pub to a church as I know I would have someone solid human to work out a problem with me than an imaginary non existing god !!...
K: OK ...smiles ..now tell us about the God you believe in then ??
M: my God was the person I met in the bar ....OH what would I give to meet him once more ?
K: Can you please tell us what did he talk to you ? was it something that shook you to the core ??
M: To be honest he just pushed me into looking into things I really wanted Katie ....he just asked me some basic things you know - like what I really want to do in life ? what was my ambition and if I could prove him wrong he would give me £10,000....really it was as simple as that !!
K: How did you react ?
M: Well who wouldnt work to take £10,000 just to rub it in this other persons face - just to show how wrong the other person was - arrogant that I am I took the oppurtunity and pursued my childhood ambition ....
K: And the rest as they say is history ....you designed the best car models which took the automotive industry by feet- Even today your M kar stands out in the market as the highest sold vehicles - due to your contribution Victor Industry turned from almost a bankrupt company to a million dollar company and you are rightly called the Phoneix - the man who rose from ashes .....and then you started your own consultancy to let people pick up from where they left ....and which has a track record that each person who has been with you is in actually with Success in all ways .....what a way to rise.... ladies and gentleman The Phoenix - Mr Martin Varghese....audience claps...cheers...song of the show ......comes up....
M: OH well ( broad smile ) thank you Katie ...thanks a lot .. ( waves to the audience and leaves )....
Present ...
Martin's chest swells with pride and he cannot hold his excitement any longer ...He sighs.. life is this ...a rollerocaster ...It is his quiet day off in the villa now ...he wanted to get away from the hush rush ....stocky- but well groomed - hair cut short with few white strands .....He reflects about his past and wonders what will happen if the truth is ever known ??
He goes to the balcony and notices the postman delivering a note to the security guard - this surprises him ...who will send me a letter here ? He telephones the guard and asks him to get the letter immediately ....
The letter is for him - it is getting dark now .. the sun has settled - dusk has come ...and is leaving like a reluctant child from earth ...Martin adjusts his spectacles to read the letter ....It says :
My dear Martin ...
God bless you
I pray that all that you have thought in your life you must have got them by now ...The taste of succes that you so desperatley wanted - The sense of pride that you carry in your work and your life .... I really am proud of what you have achieved in your life my son ....I really am ...But I need to remind you of certain truths ....
Today when I look at your interviews I am a little sad my son .... why did you have to lie about our meeting in the pub ? Why dont you tell everyone you never meant to actually acknowledge my presence or for that matter that you did not even want to talk to me ....I remember clearly you were drinking a lot then .. you had even abused your wife hence she had to leave you and you were lamenting about it ..talking with yourself about it when I first met you ......you remembered how your father had left you and you couldnt handle all the sorrows in your life ??
When I asked you if you were ok about your life ? you did actually flip out and yelled at me .. and when I asked you why do u fear so much when god is with you that you tried to grab my collar and shake me up to show god ....and you were shown out of the pub by the bouncers ... How you had not accepted the ciggarette outside and when I asked more about your father and your childhood .. you went on speaking as though you were in a trance ...you told me how your dad had encouraged you to follow your ambition...and how you loved designing cars ...but you left all this when your dad died and you had to take care of your mother and sister - family pressures worked more than your own desires ...how you sobbed and said if only you wished you had your father beside you to take care of yourself .. you were so drunk you mixed up words and you said how you had lost faith in everything .......and how I had asked you to do the best what you can do in your life and that if that works I would show your father to you ..and you looked at me as though I was mad and left the place ..but see how your hardwork paid off ?? ...........How things changed ....but your faith has still not returned my child .....and I want to bring that back to you .....
The reason I wrote this letter is so that you would believe it is me who is writing this.Only you and I know what happened on the 23rd of march outside the pub- I am your mystery role model - I want you to meet me so that I can show you faith my child ... and I hope it will restore your faith in god once more ... as a kid and as an adult you had come to the church regularly .. your father was proud about you in many ways ...he always used to talk about you .....I remember your baptism ..your nervousness in confessing your sorrows to me ... come and meet me .. But there is one condition - If you really believe in me dont pursue logic when you come to meet me ... just come and do what is required ...just as you had done when I asked you some years earlier .... this is the address.....
72B
Unit 3-1
11034678 Station
Wyaoming
Glasgow
I dont have a name now ...
Martin felt the blood rushing in his head ... finally his mentor... his role model was going to meet him ... he will finally be able to thank him and sigh a breath of relief ....He did not bother to change his clothes either .. he barks to the driver to make his vehicle ready and he then decides he will drive the vehicle himself... this is the moment he waited all his life .....The Revelation time has come and he smiles ......
Night Present
The drive is 3 hrs from his place ..... it lead to the outskirts of the city after following the GPS on his vehicle ..Martin has never come to this part before ....and there is a sign board showing Wyaoming......
The building shows the address as correct but it is an omnious building from outside ... the interiors though were flooded with bright lights ...pristine white floors which made noise when someone walks on it ... he walks to the reception or thats what he thought it is....
A woman seated looks at him ....he looks foreign in all ways ... she asks ... 'who is it ?? how can I help you today ?? Have you lost your way mate' ?? he did not say anything his throat has dried up and tongue has become heavy he manages to mumble 'Umm...this is what I was looking for' ....The lady looks at the paper, the address and asks 'Who gave you this address ? Do you know this person '?? Martin has no answers ...'Ahmm....Well he is my mentor ... he wrote this letter so that I can meet him' .....THe lady gives him a strange look .....'yeah whatever ... we dont have to take appoinments atleast beforehand' ...she laughs which made no sense to Martin ....he smiled confused and follows her ..... She is a fat lady with hoop earrings ...hair tied above her head .. but she looks neat ...not an overimposing figure ... Martin does not feel his legs while walking ... he was only half aware of things around him ...
'Yeah on you go .. this is it .. the ultimate place' and she winks her eyes ....Martin peeps inside the room and looks at her .....She asks 'should I come in as well? He does not answer which she assumes to be an yes ....she picks a register on the table while walking straight ahead ....he does not see anything else .. he just follows her like a magnet attracted to nails ....she stops near a place and says ' This is your person '.....he looks at her and then looks at the place .... it is a bed with a person on it .....The person is like a wax statue - dark,sunken cheeks .. he knew this person ... very familiar .. those eyebrows and mouth ......he then realises the smell coming to his nose and he holds his hands near his mouth ... it is as though all his senses have started working suddenly and have come to life after being rusted for so long .... he could feel his heart beating fast ......he asks no one in particular ... Who is he ?? The woman opens the register and says .....'Father William Mckay - Date of birth 20th of January 1935 - Died on the 23rd march 2006 - hit and run case by an unknown drunk driver just outside the Carlington Church in Glasgow....Father Mckay was returning after the evening mass from the church and from nowhere the car hit him and hurled him on the roadside .. instant death ...His will have instructed us not to destroy his body and be kept for open view for everyone .....Martin stares at the body for a long time and then he suddenly has flashes of memories coming back to him ....his father ... the church ... the confessions .... his life ...23rd march ....he pauses.....he remembers narrowly missing a guy during that time on the road .....and then he looks back at the body ..... it is the Pastor from the church - who had listened to his confessions...... whom he had unknowingly killed ..... but he had met him at the bar...Everything blacked out in his eyes ............................................Phoenix ...
PHOENIX VARGHESE IS A REAL HERO - read the headline on the third page of The Herald. Martin smiles looking at the headline recollecting the evening interview he had yesterday on the TV show. His PR were really working good and it reflected on the results - Life is Perfect ...He folds back the newspaper and closes his eyes to reflect upon the evening....the newspaper article is wonderful he thinks and recollects the whole article once again ...
Wednesday 22nd March 2020, special report by PTA:
It was a rare moment in THE KATIE SHOW when the man himself had come to talk about his journey from ashes to life. We give you an intercept of the interview which was before a live audience of 25,000 people who will never forget the last evening.
The way Katie Sharp announced about the evening speaks volumes about him. 'Right now we have the man himself Mr Martin Varghese also called 'Phoenix Varghese' - the one risen from ashes...I am sure there is no one today who doesnt know about him so I wouldnt munch many words about him and get him do the talking ....
Katie : Welcome to the show Mr Varghese - thank you for being with us tonight...So the much awaited question how do u feel on this third year anniversary of your success as the Phoenix....
Martin : Thanks ..Its my pleasure Katie ( smile ) Oh I love this success - its good to be on the top ( laughs)
Katie : I know now this question has been asked many times to you before but We really will be pleased if you tell us what makes you you ...as The Phoenix Varghese ...
M: I hope your audience doesnt sleep on it ( laughs) Well 3 yrs from today I was the same person to be honest - , I was arrogant (smug smile ) talented and thought nothing could actually put me down- But you Know Katie what is the difference - its my attitude and the way I see things today -and that my dear is so so crucial - I know many people listen this from many management gurus - well I am the living example of it ...
K : yes you are Mr Varghese -Now tell me about the famous 23rd March night we always hear about the day you thought you had risen from ashes ....
M: oh you media people know how to nickname others isnt it ?? ah yes the 23rd of March the day after I was fired from my previous job - A job I thought I was good at - I was one of the top executives and I was told to leave because of some management changes (points his fingers as quotation marks) - and the day I met my Inspiration for life whom I cant thank enough....I am greatly indebted to him.....
K : please go on -Listening to your story from yourself is a treat that I am sure none of us will miss !
M : well I was fired as you know from my job and was really upset as it had a very bad effect on me - I had been in this job for 20 odd years - I had a family to think about - I couldnt handle it - I turned to god - confessed all my sins and thought things will sort out well or so I thought - but nothing worked - I wasnt young enough to be employed somwhere else and my resignation left a cloud of doubts in peoples mind - I turned to drinking ..and I drank heavily - my dear wife left me as she couldnt see me failing this way .....Life was terrible Katie -Now I really think about it I thank my stars for the night in the bar .....I call it the holy grail of lost souls ( laughs )
K:( smiles broadly ) Now Mr Varghese since you have actually mentioned GOD can I ask you something ? In times of despair man does turn to god but is it correct u felt shunned and lost all faith during this time and you actually think that your role model a mere human being is better than God himself ? You mentioned in one of your interviews recently that you would actually prefer to go to the pub and have a drink than sit in the church and follow confession -Now Is that a good model for your children or for that matter anyone else ?
M: Thanks for asking me that question Katie- there have been lots of assumptions about my answer. well ... ok let me ask you something Katie - when you feel upset, angry or sad what would you prefer among the following - telling all your sorrows to your friend, partner or anyone you know or would you prefer a person behind the counter in your bank ??
K: well obviously someone whom I know .....but how does that answer my question ?
M: exactly thats what I meant as well- The Pastor of the church I go to ....no offence but he is a very nice person though I havent seen him since quite some time ....He knows my family - my mom - my dad before he died - he knows some of my most personal things but when I go to him I dont feel connected to him or god - he is behind the wooden block between us and for me that doesnt leave me with much relief - What we need is practical solutions to work things out - prayers and confessions cannot make my life better - otherwise you would never have acknowledged me - I wouldnt have earned the name Phoenix for my prayers - my work defines my name today ....
K: wonderful thoughts Mr Varghese - I see what you are pointing to ...but dont you think comparing a church to a pub is in more than one way wrong ...
M: I wouldnt compare it even today ! All I am saying is I prefer a Pub to a church as I know I would have someone solid human to work out a problem with me than an imaginary non existing god !!...
K: OK ...smiles ..now tell us about the God you believe in then ??
M: my God was the person I met in the bar ....OH what would I give to meet him once more ?
K: Can you please tell us what did he talk to you ? was it something that shook you to the core ??
M: To be honest he just pushed me into looking into things I really wanted Katie ....he just asked me some basic things you know - like what I really want to do in life ? what was my ambition and if I could prove him wrong he would give me £10,000....really it was as simple as that !!
K: How did you react ?
M: Well who wouldnt work to take £10,000 just to rub it in this other persons face - just to show how wrong the other person was - arrogant that I am I took the oppurtunity and pursued my childhood ambition ....
K: And the rest as they say is history ....you designed the best car models which took the automotive industry by feet- Even today your M kar stands out in the market as the highest sold vehicles - due to your contribution Victor Industry turned from almost a bankrupt company to a million dollar company and you are rightly called the Phoneix - the man who rose from ashes .....and then you started your own consultancy to let people pick up from where they left ....and which has a track record that each person who has been with you is in actually with Success in all ways .....what a way to rise.... ladies and gentleman The Phoenix - Mr Martin Varghese....audience claps...cheers...song of the show ......comes up....
M: OH well ( broad smile ) thank you Katie ...thanks a lot .. ( waves to the audience and leaves )....
Present ...
Martin's chest swells with pride and he cannot hold his excitement any longer ...He sighs.. life is this ...a rollerocaster ...It is his quiet day off in the villa now ...he wanted to get away from the hush rush ....stocky- but well groomed - hair cut short with few white strands .....He reflects about his past and wonders what will happen if the truth is ever known ??
He goes to the balcony and notices the postman delivering a note to the security guard - this surprises him ...who will send me a letter here ? He telephones the guard and asks him to get the letter immediately ....
The letter is for him - it is getting dark now .. the sun has settled - dusk has come ...and is leaving like a reluctant child from earth ...Martin adjusts his spectacles to read the letter ....It says :
My dear Martin ...
God bless you
I pray that all that you have thought in your life you must have got them by now ...The taste of succes that you so desperatley wanted - The sense of pride that you carry in your work and your life .... I really am proud of what you have achieved in your life my son ....I really am ...But I need to remind you of certain truths ....
Today when I look at your interviews I am a little sad my son .... why did you have to lie about our meeting in the pub ? Why dont you tell everyone you never meant to actually acknowledge my presence or for that matter that you did not even want to talk to me ....I remember clearly you were drinking a lot then .. you had even abused your wife hence she had to leave you and you were lamenting about it ..talking with yourself about it when I first met you ......you remembered how your father had left you and you couldnt handle all the sorrows in your life ??
When I asked you if you were ok about your life ? you did actually flip out and yelled at me .. and when I asked you why do u fear so much when god is with you that you tried to grab my collar and shake me up to show god ....and you were shown out of the pub by the bouncers ... How you had not accepted the ciggarette outside and when I asked more about your father and your childhood .. you went on speaking as though you were in a trance ...you told me how your dad had encouraged you to follow your ambition...and how you loved designing cars ...but you left all this when your dad died and you had to take care of your mother and sister - family pressures worked more than your own desires ...how you sobbed and said if only you wished you had your father beside you to take care of yourself .. you were so drunk you mixed up words and you said how you had lost faith in everything .......and how I had asked you to do the best what you can do in your life and that if that works I would show your father to you ..and you looked at me as though I was mad and left the place ..but see how your hardwork paid off ?? ...........How things changed ....but your faith has still not returned my child .....and I want to bring that back to you .....
The reason I wrote this letter is so that you would believe it is me who is writing this.Only you and I know what happened on the 23rd of march outside the pub- I am your mystery role model - I want you to meet me so that I can show you faith my child ... and I hope it will restore your faith in god once more ... as a kid and as an adult you had come to the church regularly .. your father was proud about you in many ways ...he always used to talk about you .....I remember your baptism ..your nervousness in confessing your sorrows to me ... come and meet me .. But there is one condition - If you really believe in me dont pursue logic when you come to meet me ... just come and do what is required ...just as you had done when I asked you some years earlier .... this is the address.....
72B
Unit 3-1
11034678 Station
Wyaoming
Glasgow
I dont have a name now ...
Martin felt the blood rushing in his head ... finally his mentor... his role model was going to meet him ... he will finally be able to thank him and sigh a breath of relief ....He did not bother to change his clothes either .. he barks to the driver to make his vehicle ready and he then decides he will drive the vehicle himself... this is the moment he waited all his life .....The Revelation time has come and he smiles ......
Night Present
The drive is 3 hrs from his place ..... it lead to the outskirts of the city after following the GPS on his vehicle ..Martin has never come to this part before ....and there is a sign board showing Wyaoming......
The building shows the address as correct but it is an omnious building from outside ... the interiors though were flooded with bright lights ...pristine white floors which made noise when someone walks on it ... he walks to the reception or thats what he thought it is....
A woman seated looks at him ....he looks foreign in all ways ... she asks ... 'who is it ?? how can I help you today ?? Have you lost your way mate' ?? he did not say anything his throat has dried up and tongue has become heavy he manages to mumble 'Umm...this is what I was looking for' ....The lady looks at the paper, the address and asks 'Who gave you this address ? Do you know this person '?? Martin has no answers ...'Ahmm....Well he is my mentor ... he wrote this letter so that I can meet him' .....THe lady gives him a strange look .....'yeah whatever ... we dont have to take appoinments atleast beforehand' ...she laughs which made no sense to Martin ....he smiled confused and follows her ..... She is a fat lady with hoop earrings ...hair tied above her head .. but she looks neat ...not an overimposing figure ... Martin does not feel his legs while walking ... he was only half aware of things around him ...
'Yeah on you go .. this is it .. the ultimate place' and she winks her eyes ....Martin peeps inside the room and looks at her .....She asks 'should I come in as well? He does not answer which she assumes to be an yes ....she picks a register on the table while walking straight ahead ....he does not see anything else .. he just follows her like a magnet attracted to nails ....she stops near a place and says ' This is your person '.....he looks at her and then looks at the place .... it is a bed with a person on it .....The person is like a wax statue - dark,sunken cheeks .. he knew this person ... very familiar .. those eyebrows and mouth ......he then realises the smell coming to his nose and he holds his hands near his mouth ... it is as though all his senses have started working suddenly and have come to life after being rusted for so long .... he could feel his heart beating fast ......he asks no one in particular ... Who is he ?? The woman opens the register and says .....'Father William Mckay - Date of birth 20th of January 1935 - Died on the 23rd march 2006 - hit and run case by an unknown drunk driver just outside the Carlington Church in Glasgow....Father Mckay was returning after the evening mass from the church and from nowhere the car hit him and hurled him on the roadside .. instant death ...His will have instructed us not to destroy his body and be kept for open view for everyone .....Martin stares at the body for a long time and then he suddenly has flashes of memories coming back to him ....his father ... the church ... the confessions .... his life ...23rd march ....he pauses.....he remembers narrowly missing a guy during that time on the road .....and then he looks back at the body ..... it is the Pastor from the church - who had listened to his confessions...... whom he had unknowingly killed ..... but he had met him at the bar...Everything blacked out in his eyes ............................................Phoenix ...
Life and its Death
The body was weak and frail…..
The last minutes have arrived said whispers outside …
Life was leaving the body as a trail
Death arrived and with it the books of trade …
Time was very precious they both knew that …
Anytime one may have to leave and another take over …
So they both stayed and started the math
The haggling business of their takeover ….
The air between them went still sometimes
They both stood sizzled expecting the other to disappear…
They could hear the outside noise and whines…
But both went on as accounts had to be cleared….
Life had some broken dreams, some memories
A saga of struggles and a hope to live on …
Death had the drug to keep away cravings and worries
an antidote for attachments that may have born….
Life handed its bundle of things to death
Glad that it had left some outside…
Its eyes still shone with past glory and truth…
Its hands as hard as itself and frail as a child…
Death saw if the journey ahead was prepared for
The soul had to be cleaned and freed after this…
It looked into life’s eyes which craved more
Death shook its head knowing this was pure business
The trade of the soul was thus done …
Time came and finished the deal ..
Life tipped its hat to declare that death had won
Deaths journey had just begun …..
In life there is death and in death there is life ….
This was their final pledge said
The outside whispers grew louder with grief
And inside it was the silence of the wind
The last minutes have arrived said whispers outside …
Life was leaving the body as a trail
Death arrived and with it the books of trade …
Time was very precious they both knew that …
Anytime one may have to leave and another take over …
So they both stayed and started the math
The haggling business of their takeover ….
The air between them went still sometimes
They both stood sizzled expecting the other to disappear…
They could hear the outside noise and whines…
But both went on as accounts had to be cleared….
Life had some broken dreams, some memories
A saga of struggles and a hope to live on …
Death had the drug to keep away cravings and worries
an antidote for attachments that may have born….
Life handed its bundle of things to death
Glad that it had left some outside…
Its eyes still shone with past glory and truth…
Its hands as hard as itself and frail as a child…
Death saw if the journey ahead was prepared for
The soul had to be cleaned and freed after this…
It looked into life’s eyes which craved more
Death shook its head knowing this was pure business
The trade of the soul was thus done …
Time came and finished the deal ..
Life tipped its hat to declare that death had won
Deaths journey had just begun …..
In life there is death and in death there is life ….
This was their final pledge said
The outside whispers grew louder with grief
And inside it was the silence of the wind
Saturday, 12 September 2009
Love...
Poets have tried to describe it
Artists have tried to portray it
Sum have tried dramatising it
And my friends have been in it ….
Love is pain and joy my dear
So much pain in being far
So much joy in being near
And sometimes this feeling itself is so unreal
I asked a couple in love
She said ‘ah utter bliss ‘
And he replied back saying ‘
Yes this is sumthing u don’t want to miss’
I wondered along life if I had really gone it amiss;
Then I met him … and oh what joy it was;
Spring on my steps, smile on my lips ,
No wonder everyone says its pure bliss,
The weirdest things became fine
And all his promises to me... so true
Pined when he was far and still mine
Spent all these days in sadness and confine…..
And one day he walked away from me
Saying he didn’t love me anymore
Oh have u heard a heart break before?
I pleaded, begged and cried more …
But he never turned to me anymore….
Ah what bliss! I thought
And bitterness in life I sought!
Lost my soul and heart for love...
Oh why did I ever fall in love ….
I opened my eyes and sighed relief
Oh it was just dream and gave me such grief!
I found him beside me asleep
And I loved him all the more deep …..
Artists have tried to portray it
Sum have tried dramatising it
And my friends have been in it ….
Love is pain and joy my dear
So much pain in being far
So much joy in being near
And sometimes this feeling itself is so unreal
I asked a couple in love
She said ‘ah utter bliss ‘
And he replied back saying ‘
Yes this is sumthing u don’t want to miss’
I wondered along life if I had really gone it amiss;
Then I met him … and oh what joy it was;
Spring on my steps, smile on my lips ,
No wonder everyone says its pure bliss,
The weirdest things became fine
And all his promises to me... so true
Pined when he was far and still mine
Spent all these days in sadness and confine…..
And one day he walked away from me
Saying he didn’t love me anymore
Oh have u heard a heart break before?
I pleaded, begged and cried more …
But he never turned to me anymore….
Ah what bliss! I thought
And bitterness in life I sought!
Lost my soul and heart for love...
Oh why did I ever fall in love ….
I opened my eyes and sighed relief
Oh it was just dream and gave me such grief!
I found him beside me asleep
And I loved him all the more deep …..
Life .....
When I was a child
Life I believed was this …
A canvas of colours
A riot of happiness and sadness
A cacophony of music
Like the birds cooing when nature is still…..
When I became an adult
alas life had been this ….
A struggle between wants and needs
A shadow ….a blanket
Hiding everything from me
I don’t know where did the colours flee …
I thought I needed a new canvas for my life …
And I went in search of colours ….
Lived in nature, lived between people
But nothing inside me felt coloured
I was empty , and hungry ..
Alas life was this …
I thought I had failed …
I thought I had spoiled my canvas
With my greed and selfishness….
Little was I to know
That my tears had wiped my canvas
It was fair again like the day I was born …
Sumone handed me a brush
And said ‘go on child paint it …
But paint it so u remember and cherish
Until the canvas of ur life lasts …’…..
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