...past moments...

I had a good day today - everything went on as I had planned hence after coming back home having tea while reading a novel I felt something which I think must be recorded somewhere!!
The novel which I am reading now recollects the protagonist's childhood. A Pakistani woman rethinking about her childhood and her friends ,her thinking etc. I wondered do I really remember anything from my childhood.I dont mean the moments we recollect when we look at our childhood pics - this is like travelling in a bus and you suddenly smile when you think of something you did in your childhood, when you are talking to a close friend and you suddenly recollect a faint memory from some hidden times....

Well I am not raking my mind to get some memories but there are some which come to me when I think Childhood...

I remember this scene where in I am 2 yrs old- white frock- getting down on those grey narrow stairs back home one at a time. One hand holding the rail and the other hand holding a golden brass plate with turmeric and kumkum . I see my dad clad in a white shirt beside his brand new Bajaj Priya Scooter with a garland of yellow flowers and there was an aroma of Agarbatti and then I fell down ....hehe yeah like you see some videos wherein the camera falls down and all becomes honkrey donkrey and thats where my memory stops ....

Another time I fell down again was When I was may be in my 6th class a typical sunday - got up early in the morning - mom asked me to fetch clothes from the terrace- still in sleepy mood I walked took the clothes and while coming down I fell Straight and my back got bruised as I had slid along the wall - it hurt like hell- in Chetan Bhagat's five point someone - the line - Gravity had done its job to signify Alok's suicide- somehow I recollected my own falling down that morning ...

the next would be the day I was playing in the mud with my friends where our new house was being built and I cut my leg accidentally with a glass pane- Scared that my mom may beat me more for being careless I managed not to limp and also to keep the lights off while watching the Friday movie with my family - dad got up to take water and he switched on the light and saw my wound- my mom saw it and she beat me :( - my dad asked me why did I not tell them I said moaning about that mom hits me thats why ...and my mom feeling bad for this said ' I hit you because I feel so angry that I cant do anything about your wound and you cry so much beta that it pains me' - I know it was wierd way of saying she was hurt but I tease here even now saying this

OH this one kind of remains special - I had a childhood fren named Vani - she gave me some money and asked me to buy those coloured soamp (I dont know its english)- I went to Srinu uncles shop and bought it- My mom watched it from her kitchen window and the moment I came home I was again beaten like a carpet hehe ..my mom next was taking a broom when I went to my Grandma sleeping in the bedroom who saved me!
My mom thought I had stolen money from the house to buy something - I explained again while crying everything and peace restored- of course the beatings still were valid !! my mom insisted- were to teach me something in Life - that you shouldnt take money from home - you need to ask first- as though I would ever forget it!!

Next would be something cute actually- My brother was and is very found of cars - my parents bought him a Green plastic car as his bday present maybe when he was 9 yrs or something - So the next day when our parents had gone out and he took out his brand new car from the packet and started driving it - Vroom vroom- I sitting opposite to him giggling -He ran the car over my hands and then my head - and there the wheels stuck in my hair - My bro little apprehensive about me with a stuck green car in my head and my parents returning soon - He thought of one solution- he cut my hair wherever the wheels were stuck- and told me priya dont tell this to anyone ok- good girl I was I said ok- smiled and carried on- my parents came and my mom with horror looked at me and said what happened- I looked at my bro said nothing- but dad found the cut hairs near the sink- as we didnt know where to throw it and I dont remember after this but we we didnt get any punishment- I think they laughed- my mom still laughs abt it ...

Another cute one is on my bday - My brother who always teased me- sometimes I wished in My childhood if he would not be so good in my parents eye's etc etc - in the most filmy way I have ever known in my family- closed my eyes with his hands when I woke up and took me to the dining hall cum Kitchen and opened my eyes - singing happy bday to me - and before me was the loveliest Kitchen Set I Ever saw - all little fridge- cooker, plates,glasses...I think infact so far that has been the Best Bday and the bday gift ever -- there was never a repeat performance again....

and then some vague ones like the one wherein I thought once we smash a TV screen a silver liquid would flow in our home and cover everything up and all people in the serial live in the TV and get up in the morning just like us etc ...the day I sat on a metal chair while watching this famous Detective serial-( I dont rem the name but the lead actor was called D'souza and he had an assistant and he also acted in the movie Kora Kaagaz as Jaya Bachan's husband) and the same day they showcased this episode where in a metal chair in a house moves on its own - I was so scared ...

The day Dad met with an accident and a person near our school was showing his ID card asking everyone if we know him- and I being a young girl- telling my brother - 'look look dads photo - this man has it' !! - I can never forgive myself for not thanking the stranger who had helped my dad and bought an ambulance etc.May God keep him happy wherever he is...

The long walks from school to home via the colony, the village,the graveyard, the bridgeroad surrounded by a lake with a small kali mata temple and sometimes rock blasting road...the dance classes, the long chats in the colony playground on the last day of exam...the songs during Republic and Independence day played in School-' Aye mere Vatan ke logon'- the crisp white uniforms and shampood hair for the event.

The way I was left at our ancestral house when I was around 7 yrs and I used to moan and say 'Everyone go I am left with this old woman'( my great grand mother)- The first time I had wax done on my hands and my mom remarked at night when I cuddled with her - 'your skin feels like Egg Shell' :) ( I was 19 I think then ) ....

Putting all this in Writing may take the essence of memories not attached with photos or anything .. but I would remember When all my hair turns white- I have dementia :) and my kids or grandkids would giggle at this ....I hope I really do ...

- Priya

....a future to look at...

This post is simply to let my thoughts wander :)

Today while returning I went to this Store to buy stuff for myself. I saw an old lady talking in a loud voice with a young scottish gal asking her something that clearly wasnt making any sense. The scottish gal looking at me left the place which meant she is 'all yours now'..I smiled at the old lady confused and asked 'what is it' ? The old lady - an old Punjabi lady around 70-75 yrs of age spoke a strong dialect of Punjabi indicating the bread packet to me.I thought she must be asking the price when I said its around £1 -she said 'no no not the price' and she indicated the expiry date -it dawned on me finally and said the expiry date is after 5 days.The lady was happy with this and then said Thank you and I helped her with some more stuff that she was buying.I was holding only 2 things in my hand whereas she had this huge load of stuff to carry about.
I was going to this other till to get my stuff billed..the old lady cleared her place near the bill and called me 'Hello, here here '- I said ok and stood behind her ..the shop assistant mentioned it was £5 to the lady and looked at me..I informed this to the lady and she handed him the money required.

Not a big situation in life really, An old woman going around with chores in this cold country. what stuck to me was how can anyone send this lady who finds it so difficult to manage the language and things around here.What if something happened to her on the way?? This point in her life isnt she allowed to keep her legs above on the table and order around her sons, daughter in laws etc..Atleast thats the life I dream about at somepoint of time.
Back home atleast for keeping up their so called 'social images' they dont ask old parents to go out and get stuff,but I dont think this situation is new anywhere. When do we become so selfish? when do we fail to see our parents health failing, their language slurring as they no longer have teeth? It scares me somewhere that I may become someone like this- someone without any sensitivity- someone too practical in approach-and make statements like 'oh yeah I have kids...so someone else has to go to the market' ....I really pray and hope fervently for things to be different for some parents atleast.

This blog will be a simple reminder for myself I hope.

- Priya